Dear Authors
by Leahtheredpearlvoice
Summary: Some of the Zexal characters found out about fanfiction and they aren't very happy about it... I know there are tons of these in Naruto but I just couldn't help myself. I'll delete it if I have to. This is only for entertainment purposes, not to bash other authors. Rated T mainly for language.
1. Yuma Tsukumo

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh ZEXAL. If I did, Shark and Rio would not have a past life that would imply that they're Barians.**

Dear Authors,

I appreciate you all writing stories about me but I would just like to point out a few things which I don't quite get.

First of all, why do some of you think I'm in love with Kotori? She may be my childhood friend but that doesn't mean I'm romantically interested in her, so don't jump to conclusions! I only love her as a sister.

Then, there's keyshipping. Where did that come from?! I mean, inter-species romance. That's just weird. Astral's a really close friend, yes, and I was deeply hurt when he was gone, but wouldn't you be if your best friend was taken away from you? And explain to me why I would even think about doing _**that**_ with him? Oh and did i mention that we're both guys?!

Speaking of which, some of you are pairing me up with various other guys like Shark, Kaito, Black Mist, even Vector! Where did people get the idea that I'm gay? Isn't it obvious that I'm f***ing straight?

And to make this clear, I don't remember having a twin sister named Beru or Yumi. One older sister is enough, thank you very much.

I think that's about it. It was fun reading all this at first, but every good joke turns bad someday so I kindly request you to stop. How would you like it if we wrote these kind of stories about you? Think about it.

The WDC champion,  
Yuma Tsukumo.

P.S. OCs are fine. It's nice to have more friends.

**Leah: Hello! I'm not trying to bash anyone. This is just for entertainment purposes only. And sorry for not updating 'Missing You'. I'll try and get the second chapter up as soon as I can.**


	2. QuattroIVThomas Arclight

**Leah: Hello! I'm back with a new letter. From now on, you can request characters, coz I can't really think of anyone to write.**

**Kara: And now, without further ado…**

**Both: IV/Quattro/whatever you wanna call him!**

**IV: Um… thanks?**

**Leah: Enjoy your long letter.**

…

_Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! ZEXAL. If I did, Astral, Black Mist and Vector would've used to be best buds._

…

Dear Fanfiction Authors,

As much as I adore my loyal fans writing fantasies about me, some of you have crossed the line a bit. Ok, let me reword that, lots of you have crossed the line a lot. Here are a few things I'm not happy with:

Here is how the majority of you portray me:_** "IV/Quattro is an egotistical maniac who tortures people for his own pleasure."**_ Ok, I may have a big ego but, 'egotistical maniac who tortures people for his own pleasure'? What the hell! How the fXXX was I supposed to know that the card dad, sorry, **Tron** gave me would set an entire building on fire?! I didn't torture Rio on purpose, you know. If I did, why would I rescue her from the fire in the first place? And don't bother giving me all that fanservice crap. Don't you think I feel bad about the countless people I hurt?

Speaking of which, I think we made it very clear that 'fanservice' was basically letting people get the upper by playing nice before showing them my supposedly 'true' cruel self and pulverise them into a pulp. So why are you all making up fantasies that fanservice is taking random strangers, female and male, to hotel rooms fXXX them? That's not fanservice at all! That's just plain weird! Ugh!

Now, nearly everyone pairs me up with somebody. Here are a few that get on my nerves:

**Disqualifyshipping:** Honestly, me and Ryouga? ME AND MOTHERFXXXING RYOUGA?! I get Accidentshipping a bit but, seriously? No. No, no, no, no, no. This is wrong in a few ways. Main reason? We. Are both. Guys. GUYS! And he hates me. That's the perfect recipe for disaster in a relationship in my opinion.

**Teaserviceshipping:** OK, I thought the last one was dumb but, THIS? What shXX is this? ShXXXy shXX thats what! Why would I even think about dating my baby brother? And whoever wrote that semirape teaservice fic, that's taking the sadistic thing a bit too far. And whoever wrote 'One little thing' or whatever, that's taking the entire thing too far! I could go on but then this letter will get too long.

**Vendettashipping:** No. I'm not even gonna bother. V and me, just. Don't. Start. Writing 'teaserviceshipping' was bad enough. Don't get me started on this.

All of these pairings, just. Stop. My head hurts just thinking about these monstrosities.

I think I've said enough. Hopefully, all you loyal fans will take regard of what I've said.

Yours truly,

_Thomas Arclight_ (because that's the name that 4Kids didn't change)

…...

**Leah: By the way, I haven't watched episode 114 yet, but, meh. We were originally gonna do Kaito but IV/Quattro/whatever was a bit more fun. Plus, writing Kaito was a bit like writing Sasuke.**

**Kara: Quick reminder: We are not trying to bash anyone at all. Or their favourite shipping! So please don't kill us or whatever. And Guest, this isn't our POV. It's the POV of the character that writes the letter. And don't tell Leah I told you but she likes 'Mermaid Melody'!**

**Leah: I HEARD THAT! See ya in the next letter! *whacks Kara with a baseball bat***


	3. Kaito Tenjo

**Leah: OK, my ipad was giving me a bit of trouble as it kept running outta charge but, it's finally here. Letter No. 3 from Kaito. BTW I don't own zexal.**

* * *

Dear so-called "Authors"

Before we begin, I didn't want to write this. We have much more important issues than your 'writing' , like helping protect the universe from the Barians. If you're wondering why I'm writing this, blame Haruto.

The first issue should probably be in the 'Shippings' category, but it's been bothering me for too long to put it there. This issue is none other than Anxietyshipping.

Let's get this straight. I am not in love with Droite in any way. Nor as far as I'm concerned does she love me. So stop saying that we do. Our relationship is professional, nothing more, nothing less. Don't jump to conclusions that we would fxxx each other or anything like that. Especially you, Kit-Kat Rider and your 'Desire for Comfort' and 'Comforting Your Broken Soul' etc. It's utterly disgusting. All of it, from K-M. I don't how safe they are. JUST. STOP IT!

Now that THAT'S settled, lets move on.

I'm not cold and heartless to every single person I meet except Haruto. I can smile. I can laugh. I can have fun, just not as easily and often as I used to. I can safely admit that I am loosening up. Slowly, but surely. But sometimes, you guys make me loosen up too quickly like say, after meeting what you guys call "the love of my life". Honestly if you want me to loosen up more, at least make it realistic!

And my life doesn't revolve around three things; duelling, Barians and Haruto! I can do stuff other than those three. Just, not in public. And before you ask, sex is out of the question.

Now, let's move on to the worst shippings:

First, there's photonshipping, and let me tell you something here. Yuma's 13 and I'm 18. Age difference? 5 years. 5 FXXXING YEARS! Why would I even think about dating anyone who is 5 years younger than me, let alone doing it? I mean, would you date anyone 5 years younger than you? And if you ask me, I'm probably assexual.

Next, we have dilateshipping. This is Ok age-wise as he's only 2 years older than me, but (and this applies to photonshipping also,) we're both guys! And he's also my former mentor! So no. This is also wrong.

Mooncest? HarutoxMe? Pretty self explanatory.

Photoncest: No. Just no. This is wrong in so many levels my head hurts just thinking of it.

I think I've wasted enough steam on you sick 'people'. I will conclude the letter with three words.

Get a life.

Kaito Tenjo


	4. Vector

**TRPV: Hello! Long time no see (on this fic). Sorry for not updating! You know how school is and I haven't been getting much inspiration for this.**

**Leah: And yet you have inspiration for a Kaito/Astral fic, a Mutinyshipping oneshot and a sharkbaitshipping oneshot, lazy-ass.**

**TRPV: Sorry. I just went to read the reviews again 2 weeks back and the requests for Shark kinda turned me off. OK, I need help! How am I gonna even do Shark after what happened in recent episodes?! UGH!**

**Kara: *sighs* Anyway, we'd like to stop requests for now. This chapter is Vector. We'll post a requested letter next week (we hope).**

**Rina: We own NOTHING! **^_^v **And this is only for entertainment, not to bash authors.**

* * *

To the worthless humans that write this 'fanfiction',

Why are you guys writing these disgusting stories?! They're ugly! They're absolutely incorrect, especially the way you portray me and my sexuality.

I'm a Barian Lord! I'm terrifying! My schemes are brilliant! I've killed! I'm not some comic relief villain who's plans always fail! They do work for a while, especially the 'Shingetsu' scheme. Every one of you fell for that one! And let's not forget Dr Faker. Wasn't **_I_**the person who convinced him to gather people to collect the Numbers? I'm an excellent villain. SO START TREATING ME AS SUCH!

Oh, and could you remove those pieces of writing that involve 'Rei Shingetsu'? Just _thinking_ about that facade makes me vomit (at least in my human form). Especially the ones that depict 'him' and Tsukumo Yuma in a romantic relationship.

And no, you can't just say Rei Shingetsu is my 'twin brother'. I don't have any siblings.

Moving on; I. am not. in love. with anyone. Got that? I'm not interested in that sort of sXXX. I hate some shippings more than others like:

**Foil/Positive/Negativeshipping: **He's my arch rival. Need I say more?

**Mutinyshipping: **OK, personally, I think this should've STAYED a crack pairing! There is no way I would ever want to do ANYTHING romantic with him. Sure we partnered up, but apparently some people -ok, a LOT of people- are forgetting that Don Thousand told me to. Otherwise I wouldn't have given a sXXX about him in the first place!

And speaking of Don Thousand, he's at least 6 times my height and he's practically a Barian god! So being in a relationship with him (I believe most of you call it 'Darkwingshipping') is absolutely forbidden. Think, pathetic mortals!

All your pathetic pieces of 'writing' are cheap and disgusting. So please do all of us a favour and get rid of them!

Yours truly (never),

Vector,

* * *

**TRPV: That's the latest on this fic.**

**Nechron: *runs past* LEAVE ME ALONE!**

**Photon: I LOVE YOU NECHRON~!**

**Kaito/Kara: Get back here Photon!**

**TRPV: *blinks* *sweatdrops* incest... Oh well, later!**


	5. Astral

**TRPV: And another update! Because I'm so nice. ^^ **

**Leah: Please welcome... *whispers* Who is it again?**

**TRPV: *whispers back* Astral.**

**Leah: ASTRAL!**

**TRPV: STILL DON'T OWN ZEXAL!**

* * *

Greetings, fanfiction writers,

Before I proceed, Kaito had kindly translated your fanfiction into Astral Glyphs so I can see what is the fuss as I thought it wasn't such a big deal.

Apparently, I was wrong, so i am writing this letter to address some of the issues I have come across in your writing. Again, Kaito has translated it, this time to whatever language you speak.

Well, in terms of my characteristics, they are mostly correct but there's one thing which I feel I should clarify; I am an Astral being. Not a human. Not an angel. And most certainly not a spirit as some humans seem to think. I am an Astral being.

And I'm pretty sure I don't have any significant others from the Astral World.

Speaking of, I am aware that people pair me up with other people and say we're in a romantic relationship. I'm not going to mention any specific pairings or any authors' names. But I'd rather you not write those kinds of stories.

And one last thing; I'm am most certainly not afraid of cats! I simply haven't made an observation on them yet.

Yours sincerely,

Astral.

* * *

**TRPV: OMG! His and Vector's letters are so short! TT_TT**

**Leah: Relax. You did OK.**

**TRPV: Thanks. OK, that's the final update for today. Sayonara! And arigato gozaimasu for reading!**


	6. Ryouga Kamishiro (pre-Barian)

**TRPV: Guess what... NO SCHOOL TODAY! :D So to celebrate, you all get an update two days early! *shot* So today we have... *checks piece of paper* Oh... Apparently, before the 'even BIGGER reveal' mini-arc (Shark is actually Nasch), Shark had also sent a letter. So... yeah, here's Shark. We own nothing except this shamrock as I'm Irish!**

* * *

Dear fanfiction authors,

OK, this is lame. Remind me why I'm even bothering to write this?

Well, what can I say? You're writing is pretty flawed from what I can tell and I'm getting pretty bored of just ignoring you people so yeah, here I am trying to convince you not to write any of this.

Or at least write us properly.

OK. Let's get started.

I'm glad most of you write me as a human. Most of the time! I am not:

- a merman (especially not with a shark tail!)

- a vampire (seriously? I think lots of you have been reading a bit too much Twilight. C'mon!)

- a cannibal (I'm not even gonna bother)

- a Barian

OK, where did this 'Ryoga and Rio are actually the Barian Lords Nasch and Merag' thing come from?! Last I checked, I'm fighting Barians! I despise those little sXXXs. There is absolutely no way I'm one of them. Sure, Rio can sense Barian energy, but that's just mere coincidence! This whole 'Shark and Rio are Barians' thing just proves you all are crazy!

Now that that's been lifted off my chest, who thought of the idea of pairing Rio up with IV? Even if he had apologised about his actions, he still hurt my sister and he's not off the hook just by saying a simple 'I'm sorry'! So, yeah. I still disapprove of IV dating my sister.

And speaking of IV, I had made it clear that I hated him. I still hold a bit of a grudge towards him even now. OK, ask yourself this:

Would you ever date a person you don't really like?

No? Then why the fXXX would I? You people need a reality check.

And by the way, I just want to make it clear to you all that I'm pretty much asexual. I'm not interested in women or men.

And Yuma is no exception. Yes, he had saved me a few times. Yes, I tried (and succeeded) to heal Yuma with a healing duel. But imagine you and your brother/sister/best friend in the same positions. Wouldn't you make similar decisions to help each other? In other words, Yuma and I are just friends. Nothing more, nothing less.

Oh and one more thing: who the hell is Reginald Kastle?

Ryoga Kamishiro a.k.a Shark

* * *

**TRPV: ...I think we all know by now that Shark and Rio are indeed Barians but just to clarify, this was most likely written during episode 107 so that's why he's disagreeing with that "theory". Again, not trying to bash any authors (although I felt this letter was a bit too harsh) so... yeah. Now, if you'll excuse me...**

**Leah: Oh and by the way for any Twi-hards, if the bit in the vampire's bit offended you, we're sorry. We just had this headcanon that Shark absolutely hates Twilight.**

**Kara: And Shark doesn't know about the dub so that's why he was asking.**


	7. Anna Kozuki

**TRPV: Hello everyone! How was your week? I really shouldn't be talking about this here but my teacher got married yesterday! And to add to that, this Friday, one of my stage school teachers is getting married this Friday! I should probably get back to the story because, well, this is not ! Ok, today we have...**

**Leah: *spins the wheel***

***said wheel stops after a while***

**TRPV: *takes the piece of paper* Kozuki Anna-chan! Or as 4Kids like to call her, Anna KABOOM!**

***kaboom***

**STILL DON'T OWN ZEXAL!**

* * *

Dear authors,

Well, I don't really have that much to complain about flaws when trying to write my character, my sexuality, etc. as I barely have any fic time in general. Rather, this is a big topic which really should be in those forum thingies.

OK, I get why Yuma, the Number Club (is that what they're called) and the alien equivilent of One Direction get the spotlight, but I'm kinda feeling left out.

And not just me. Lots of minor characters are feeling that way. While Yuma and his friends are complaining about how you get them all wrong, we're here thinking no-one likes us because we're only here for 1 or 2 episodes and no-one even acknowledges us! C'mon!

OK, do you guys hate us or what?! Honestly, I really shouldn't give a shXX about this but I do, and others do. Some of them are kind of sensitive, ya know. OK, maybe some of us maybe weren't relevant to the plot, but so are the numerous fillers in Naruto!

And not to mention Fuya and I DIED in the last episode! OK, our souls went to the Barian World (whatever the hell that is) but to everyone else, we're practically dead! And Fuya has a huge fanbase thanks to Esper Robin! At least write a funeral fic or something! Who knows!

Really, I don't mind them getting the spotlight but, could you please at least mention us at least once.

Anna Kozuki

PS I know there are a few fics about us somewhere on the internet. If there are, I'd like to thank those authors.

* * *

**TRPV: ...not sure if I got this right but there you go! Another update! And I'll try and update at least once a week, most likely on Friday, Saturday or Sunday. I have six requested characters left and they are:**

**_V (Chris)_**

**_Tron (Byron)_**

**_Black Mist_**

**_III (Michael)_**

**_Droite_**

**_Durbe_**

**Expect to see one of those characters next week. Til then,**


End file.
